


Blessed Is This Union

by QueenTzahra



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complete, Ears, First Time, Guilt, Internal Conflict, Love, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, Oral Sex, Passion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:14:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6580660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenTzahra/pseuds/QueenTzahra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Subaru POV: In the face of fear and uncertainty, all Kamui wants is to feel grounded and safe, even just for one night. Subaru knows he needs the same thing, but will he give himself permission?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blessed Is This Union

**Author's Note:**

> I finally joined AO3, it's an absolute honor to be here!
> 
> I love X so much and I wanted to contribute something, but everyone who writes for this series is so talented, I hope I measure up!
> 
> This is also on fanfiction.net as a two-shot, but I'm happy to post it here as one chapter, the way I'd originally intended. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> The title of this is a line from Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey.

“Kamui, I’m serious, _no_ ,” Subaru said, his voice lowering dangerously. Kamui stood his ground, unflinching and proud.

“I’m serious too, I-”

“No,” Subaru cut him off. “Now let go of me, please.” Kamui looked furious and hurt, but said nothing else. He exhaled slowly through his nose and withdrew his arms from around Subaru’s neck. He turned away, but looked over his shoulder. Subaru crossed his arms defensively in front of his chest and kept his expression insistent and serious. Kamui glared back defiantly and they held each other’s gaze for a few more aching seconds before Kamui finally turned away and left, slamming the door behind him.

Subaru stood stunned for a few seconds, then strode into his living room and slumped down onto his couch, rubbing his eyes wearily. For a split second he thought of calling Kamui back, of explaining… but reached for his cigarettes instead. He lit up and inhaled deeply, savoring the few seconds of rest his habit afforded. Despite turning Kamui away, he felt terribly guilty. It had to be this way, so why was he feeling so conflicted? It’s not like he could give in, because- “Ouch!” He had smoked the cigarette so fast it had burned down to the filter, singeing his fingers. He dropped its sad remains into his ashtray and closed his eyes. As if the memories had been waiting to play, he immediately saw Kamui press him up against the wall, felt his arms around his neck, his lips on his own… Subaru rubbed his eyes and lit another cigarette. 

_“Seishiro-san…” Subaru said quietly, doing his utmost not to start crying again. He was sitting on Seishiro’s hospital bed, gloved hands clasped in his lap, staring down at them so as not to see the damaged he’d caused. Seishiro smiled kindly down at him and tilted his head to the side._

_“Please don’t cry,” he said softly. He gently placed his fingers under Subaru’s chin and lifted his gaze up. Subaru’s throat constricted painfully and tears poured silently down his face. “Don’t cry,” Seishiro breathed again. Subaru swallowed and stared determinedly back at Seishiro, his heart pounding against his ribs. Seishiro smiled encouragingly, and Subaru leaned forward-_  

Subaru sat bolt up right, gasping for breath, fear and shock choking his insides. He clutched his chest with a shaking hand, trying to ground himself. His eyes darted frantically, taking in his living room: he must have fallen asleep on his couch, though he couldn’t remember doing so. “It was just a dream,” he said out loud. “Just a dream!” ‘ _Except it wasn’t, because that all happened,_ ’ He thought, rather nastily. ‘ _You remember what happened next_ …’ “No!” Subaru said out loud, taking himself by surprise. He swallowed and ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, then sighed as he reached for his carton of cigarettes, only to find it empty. Had he smoked that many? Shame and self-disgust rose up inside him and he crushed the carton in his fist and threw it as hard as he could across the room. ‘ _What is wrong with me_?’ He thought wearily. He stood up, thinking a hot bath might do him good, help him get back to sleep.

_Subaru sat in Seishiro’s lap, his back up against the older man’s chest. Seishiro had one hand under Subaru’s shirt, and the other- “S-seishiro-san!” Subaru groaned, despite doing his utmost to keep his voice down. He felt, rather than heard, Seishiro laugh softly in his ear as he placed a few delicate kisses on Subaru’s neck. He gripped him more tightly as he breathed,_

_“Do you do this yourself, Subaru-kun?” Subaru’s face burned and he shut his eyes tight, then, feeling utterly exposed he managed a breathy “yes.” Seishiro placed a few more teasing kisses on Subaru’s neck, the flushed skin hot under his lips. Subaru moaned softly again, keeping his eyes closed and focusing on Seishiro’s touches, his head spinning. “Do you think about me when you do?” Came Seishiro’s voice, right in his ear. Subaru’s eyes flew open and his breath caught in his throat. His blush deepened still further and he stared up at the ceiling, barely able to breathe. Seishiro pumped him faster and Subaru knew he had to answer, but… “Well?” Seishiro asked, very quietly. Subaru screwed up his eyes and swallowed, his body shaking, pressure building…_

_“Yes,” he managed, in a very sheepish whisper. Seishiro smiled against his neck._

_“I love you, Subaru-kun…”_

Subaru’s eyes flew open and for the second time that night he sat bolt upright, his breath heavy and heart pounding. He ran his fingers through his hair, once again trying to ground himself in the present. He was sweaty, flushed and so _hard_ it was painful. He looked down between his legs hopelessly, but resisted. He wouldn’t get off to Seishiro, not again; he’d spent too much time doing that in high school. Why was he even thinking about this, anyway?! He felt angry with himself for remembering: he didn’t want to remember his first time at all. His first time, in a hospital bed, trying so hard to keep his voice down and praying no one would enter the room, tears and sweat and… 

_“Does it hurt?” Seishiro asked quietly. Subaru was on all fours, his pants pulled roughly to his knees. He gripped the crunchy hospital bed sheets, his breathing harsh and shallow. It didn’t_ hurt _, but it felt weird and- behind him, Seishiro slid in another finger and Subaru gasped._

_“N-no, Seishiro-san,” he stammered, trying to adjust._

_“Relax,” Seishiro said imperiously. Subaru swallowed and tried to deepen his breath, stay focused. Seishiro slid in another finger and reached around to stroke Subaru’s erection with his other hand. Subaru groaned softly, but then started as Seishiro withdrew all his fingers from inside and pressed his own erection right up against him. “You have to relax, Subaru-kun,” he added, and though Subaru tried, fear and uncertainty kept him tense. He_ wanted _Seishiro; he wanted desperately to please him. He took a deep, steadying breath and Seishiro pressed slowly in. Subaru cried out, tears leaking from his eyes. Seishiro gripped Subaru’s erection tighter and stroked him faster. “You got hard again so quickly after you came, Subaru-kun,” Seishiro said softly, his voice slightly constricted. “It makes you even more exciting,” he continued, warmly._

_Subaru felt the compliment radiate out from his chest in a warm soft wave and managed a small smile. He looked back over his shoulder and watched Seishiro push himself completely inside. “You feel so good, Subaru-kun,” he added, his voice all the more constricted, and once again Subaru drew enormous comfort from the praise. Finally he was able to relax completely, surrendering totally as Seishiro pulled out and thrust back in. Subaru arched his back and gripped the bed sheets all the more tightly, calling out Seishiro’s name._

Subaru pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on them. There was no point agonizing over every detail after that: Seishiro had fucked him into the bed, making him come so hard he saw stars. He’d pulled out, rolled Subaru onto his back and come all over his face. Subaru felt humiliated even as he thought about it. He should have known better, that it wasn’t okay, but how could he have? At least Seishiro had told him to close his eyes. They’d cleaned up and cuddled for a while, which had been the best part of the whole thing.

That was what Subaru thought most about these days. Lying across Seishiro’s chest, inhaling his scent and feeling his soft touches and kisses. The orgasms were nice, but it had all been so overwhelming and scary. Just lying together in such an intimate embrace was far more erotic. Subaru hugged his knees more tightly and wondered, absurdly, if Kamui had just wanted to be held, to lie next to each other that way, would he have let him stay? He remembered bringing Kamui out of his catatonia and being so tired he collapsed on top of him. Kamui had embraced him and held on so tightly, and Subaru would be lying if he said it didn’t feel good. Then tonight, Kamui’s arms around his neck, chest pressed up against his and the intense, passionate kisses. Subaru swallowed and took his head off his knees. His first time in a long time being touched that way, desired by someone for whom he cared deeply, and he’d panicked and turned him away.

Of course he had perfectly legitimate reasons for doing so: Kamui was too young for him. How could he let him make the same mistake he did? But, would it be a mistake? If it was someone he liked who _wouldn’t_ turn out to be, well, Seishiro Sakurazuka… Subaru felt terrible. He should have explained, been honest, but instead he’d sent Kamui away in the middle of the night. Subaru had a sudden visceral flashback of going home from the hospital, convinced everyone around him _knew_. When he got home he’d managed to fend off Hokuto, though he could tell she knew something was wrong. He’d drawn a bath and cried as he scrubbed himself clean.

Very suddenly, as if shocked, Subaru jumped out of bed, intending to go out for more cigarettes. He dressed haphazardly and was almost to the door, but paused. He should call Kamui, at least, although he’d probably be asleep. He reached for his phone and punched in the number, listening to the dial tone with his heart beating rather fast. “…hello?” Subaru’s heart swelled.

“Kamui? It’s Subaru.” He heard Kamui sigh heavily and the rustle of his blankets.

“What?” Kamui demanded sleepily.

“I’m sorry.” The words hung between them.

“I’m sorry too,” Kamui replied, and Subaru wondered if it would have been that easy were he fully awake.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Good night.”

“Night.” Subaru hung up, his heart considerably lighter. He went to the 24-hour convenience store by his apartment for cigarettes and smoked half of them on the walk home. He felt pleasantly doped up as he got back into bed, thinking finally he’d be able to enjoy some uninterrupted sleep. As he switched off his bedside table light, Subaru once more thought of Kamui. In spite of himself, he imagined him there, just as warm and sleepy as he’d sounded on the phone. Subaru sighed, turned over, and fell asleep at once. 

* * *

 The next afternoon, and in some trepidation, Subaru made his way to his and Kamui’s meeting place for their tutoring session, though, if he were honest, he still wasn’t sure Kamui would even show up. Regretfully, he put out the cigarette he’d been smoking and tucked it back into his carton. He needn’t have worried, though: Kamui was already there waiting for him, his school books out. He looked so _young_ sitting there in his uniform, and Subaru’s heart ached. So young, with the entire world on his shoulders. Subaru approached him, guiltily trying to suppress memories of the night before. Kamui looked up, a faint blush in his face. “Hey,” he said, awkwardly. Subaru smiled and took the seat opposite him.

“Hi.” Kamui cautiously returned the smile and Subaru felt heartened.

“Um, did you call me last night?” Kamui asked tentatively. Subaru swallowed.

“Yes, I’m sor-”

“No no, don’t apologize, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.” Kamui’s hands fidgeted on the table in front of him, but he held Subaru’s gaze. “I’m sorry about last night,” he continued, very quietly.

“It’s fine,” Subaru replied, shifting a little in his seat.

“No! I, I put you in a terrible position, I was being selfish-” Subaru placed his hand on Kamui’s, cutting him off.

“Stop,” he said, firmly but kindly. He made to take his hand away but Kamui grabbed it and held on. Subaru’s breath caught in his chest as the touch seemed to pulse through his body. Kamui’s palm was sweating. 

“I,” Kamui began, gazing imploringly at Subaru as he had done the night before. “I just, everything’s so up in the air right now, I have no idea what’s going to happen, and,” it seemed he couldn’t say he was afraid, but Subaru understood. “I just… I want something tangible, here in front of me!” He let go of Subaru’s hand. “Please be careful,” he added, pleadingly.

Subaru felt his heart swell far too large for his chest, constricting his voice. He understood completely and yet was utterly confused. ‘ _Something tangible, he means, me?’_ He thought, dazedly. He was so wrong-footed by Kamui’s compassion, yet found himself wanting more, which was terrible: he wasn’t going to be careful; there was no way to be careful! Not with the Sakurazukamori, not when you were fighting to save the world, not when you had, without meaning to, leaned across the table and kissed someone far too good for you, or when he responded with intense, grateful passion, but especially when this allowed you a glimpse of the safety and escape you’d been needing for nearly ten years.

Subaru and Kamui finally broke apart and stared at each other, Subaru still cupping the back of Kamui’s head, though he had no idea when he’d put his hand there. Their foreheads touched and the space between them became much more intimate. “Is this what you want?” Subaru asked him quietly. Kamui nodded fervently.

“Yes.” 

“I can’t promise you anything,” Subaru continued, his throat tight, needing Kamui to understand.

“Promises don’t mean anything,” Kamui interjected bitterly.

“I’m serious, I may not-” Kamui cut him off with another kiss, thrusting his tongue into his mouth. Subaru couldn’t help but respond. Breathing deeply through his nose, he kissed Kamui back, feeling parts of his body and heart long since shut down begin, very slowly, to awaken.

“Don’t say things like that, please,” Kamui breathed when they finally broke apart. 

“I-” Subaru began, but a rustling in the trees around them brought them both back to Earth. They withdrew from each other, faces flushed, and looked around, but no one was there. “We shouldn’t do this here,” Subaru said, reaching for his cigarettes and lighting the one he hadn’t quite finished earlier. Kamui just watched, looking rather pleased with himself.

“Can I come over later?” He asked. Subaru took such a sharp pull on his cigarette he coughed, but looked into Kamui’s determined face. “Please? It’s not even a school night!” At that, Subaru started to laugh and Kamui went furiously red at how childish he’d sounded. Subaru continued to smile as he took Kamui’s hand again.

“You can,” he said, very slowly, “but don’t expect anything. I need to think about this.” The bell for Kamui’s next class sounded somewhere in the distance and he rolled his eyes as he gathered his schoolbooks.

“We’ll see,” he said, a note of challenge in his voice. Subaru met his gaze impassively, but smiled as he watched Kamui hurry away.

“What am I doing?” Subaru sighed heavily, finishing his cigarette.

* * *

 For the rest of the day, Subaru flipped back and forth between a nervous anticipation and total fear and self-disgust. _“I just… I want something tangible, here in front of me!”_ Subaru lay on his couch, staring at the ceiling. Something tangible did sound amazing in the face of wishes and curses and spells, ‘ _but my wish_ …’ How could he give into Kamui knowing what his future held? And yet, he argued with himself, Kamui, more than anyone else, would understand.

So much of Subaru’s energy was in the future: his wish, his goal, his destiny. The Sakurazukamori, release, the Dragons of Heaven. Or, more painfully still, in the past: with Seishiro, his talent and Hokuto. When was the last time he’d been _present_? Totally focused, aside from when he was working? He honestly couldn’t remember, and an overwhelming sadness seemed to roll over him, taking his feet out from under him. He threw his arm across his face to cover his eyes. “What happened to me?” He asked out loud. Seishiro. Seishiro happened, but he _hated_ blaming him that way. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

‘ _But what about today? At school?_ ’ He remembered, suddenly. Kissing Kamui across the table, for even those few seconds… or had it been minutes, hours? He couldn’t have said, but he did know he had felt _there_ , in the moment, and maybe-

A sudden knock on Subaru’s front door made him jump, and, sighing resignedly, he got up and went to open it. Kamui stood on the threshold, mercifully changed out of his school uniform. He smiled at Subaru as he entered, kicking off his shoes. For a split second, Subaru expected him to shove him up against the wall and start kissing him, but instead he headed inside, slender hips swaying… “Subaru?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Kamui looked away, and Subaru felt another rush of guilt.

“Nothing,” he replied, quietly.

“Sit down,” Subaru said, and Kamui perched himself on the couch, dropping his school bag onto the floor. “Do you want tea or anything?” Kamui shook his head. Subaru carefully made his way over and sat down next to him. “I’ve been thinking,” he began, slowly. 

“Oh?” Kamui responded, sounding nervous. Subaru bit his lip, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say.

“I understand completely,” he began, finally, “about wanting to feel grounded, or, wanting something tangible.” Kamui nodded. “I think, no, I _know_ I need that too,” Subaru admitted, his eyes on the ground.

“Then let me be that for you!” Kamui interjected urgently, and Subaru’s heart ached. He looked Kamui right in the eye.

“Just be you,” Subaru replied, a plea in his voice. “You don’t need to do anything else, just be Kamui, be _with_ me.” Kamui’s eyes widened. “Do you understand?” Kamui swallowed and nodded.

“But, in return you have to do the same,” he said, boldly. A little taken aback, Subaru smiled softly. 

“I will.” Kamui smiled back and took Subaru’s hand.

“I really like you,” he added. Subaru squeezed his hand and felt himself blushing.

“We’re the same, aren’t we?” Subaru stated, a little sadly.

“You could say that.” Kamui moved closer to Subaru and leaned his head experimentally against his shoulder. Without meaning to, Subaru placed a soft kiss on the top of Kamui’s head. They stayed that way for a while, sitting quietly with each other’s energy. “You’re sure this is what you want?” Subaru asked.

“Yes,” Kamui replied firmly. Feeling braver, Subaru wrapped his arm around Kamui’s shoulders, and he shifted so he was resting against the older man’s chest. Subaru gave him another kiss on the top of the head and inhaled deeply, smelling his hair and finding his warm weight profoundly comforting. Kamui placed his hand on Subaru’s chest and moved it up and down in light, exploratory touches. Subaru closed his eyes, tendrils of excitement spreading through his chest from the contact, feeling that he could have stayed like this for hours at a time. “I really like you,” Kamui said again.

Subaru tightened his hold on Kamui’s shoulders and rubbed his face in his hair. If your heart was sickly when it was full of just one person, was the loving embrace of another medicine? Subaru brought his other hand up and gently brushed Kamui’s hair out of his face. As they locked eyes, Subaru doubted there was a cure for everything wrong with him, but being with someone like Kamui, who just _understood_ … He leaned down and kissed him, cupping the back of his head and pulling him closer. Kamui gasped softly and gripped Subaru’s shirt, breathing hard through his nose and thrusting his tongue into his mouth. As their kiss deepened, Subaru felt more in his body than he had in a very long time. He felt every breath, every split second their lips parted, all the heat slowly pooling between his legs…

“Come here,” he said, breathlessly. He withdrew from Kamui and pulled him into his lap. Looking excited, Kamui straddled Subaru’s hips, placed his hands on the sides of his face and pulled him into heavy, passionate kiss. Subaru groaned softly and wrapped his arms around Kamui, imagining he could feel the skin just under the thin fabric of his shirt. Kamui arched into the touch and began to grind his hips, slowing, tantalizingly, against Subaru, who felt again what _had_ to be the beginnings of release. He wanted to give in, but… Kamui withdrew from their kiss and rested his forehead against Subaru’s, his breathing shallow.

“Is this okay?” He exhaled. Subaru nodded, his eyes straying irresistibly down and finding Kamui’s erection, constrained by the tight pants he was wearing. A soft gasp escaped Subaru’s throat just as nerves flooded his mind. Pulled in different directions, he tried to collect himself, but his heart started beating painfully fast. “Can I keep going?” Came Kamui’s voice. Subaru’s eyes snapped up again. He swallowed.

“Keep going,” he replied, softly, and he meant it. Kamui smiled and kissed him gratefully on the lips, rocking his hips back and forth, and Subaru groaned in spite of himself. He felt Kamui slide his hands down his chest and press them up under his shirt. Subaru pulled out of their kiss and threw his head back in sharp gasp as Kamui explored his chest, goose bumps rising under the gentle, though insistent, touches. Kamui blushed at the effect he’d caused as he leaned forward and began to kiss his neck. Subaru’s breath caught in his chest and he thrust his hips up sharply without meaning to. “Sorry!” He exclaimed, his face burning. Kamui just smiled against his neck and moved his kisses up to his ear.

“It’s okay,” he said softly. He kissed Subaru just below his ear and then bit down on the sensitive skin there. Subaru cried out, his heart, and erection, pulsing. “You’re thinking too much,” Kamui added, a little sharply, and Subaru laughed very softly.

“Keep going,” he told Kamui, wrapping his arms around him and carefully sliding his hands up his shirt. Kamui arched into the touches, crying out softly and gratefully before returning to Subaru’s neck, kissing and sucking and biting, his skin growing hot under his lips. Their hips rocked together in an intimate and erotic rhythm, and once again Subaru became completely aware of everything happening: the bruises blooming on his neck, Kamui’s back muscles contracting and releasing under his fingertips, Kamui’s own hands palming his chest, and then, very slowly, moving down to his hip bones. He inhaled sharply, his stomach muscles pulling in and up, and Kamui ran his fingers teasingly along them.

“Is this okay?” Kamui asked, pulling away from his neck at last to look him full in the face. Subaru felt his erection throb with longing, but he found himself totally unsure. He wanted to stop thinking so much, he wanted to surrender…

“I,” he began, awkwardly. Kamui’s gaze burned, and he looked away. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Kamui tilted his head to the side.

“I keep telling you it is.”

“I know that, but,” he _needed_ Kamui to understand. “Have you done this before?” He asked, looking him in the face again. Kamui swallowed, but kept the gaze.

“Once,” he replied. He blushed. “With Fuuma, before…” He stopped, his blush deepening. Subaru extricated his hand from under Kamui’s shirt and tenderly cupped the side of his face. Kamui took hold of Subaru’s hand, rubbing his face against it and placing a soft kiss on each knuckle. Subaru bit his lip. “What about you?” He continued, his eyes flashing. “What do you want?” Subaru sighed heavily and felt his heart constrict painfully. He couldn’t tell Kamui his wish, he just couldn’t, but what else did he want? He wanted to give in, he wanted to surrender, but he was afraid. Afraid of hurting Kamui, afraid of hurting himself, but, this all felt so good, and he truly did care deeply for Kamui, so why was he still feeling guilty?

“I just want to be with you,” Subaru replied, finally. “Now.” Kamui smiled and squeezed Subaru’s hand. “But I also want you to stop if it gets too much,” he added, firmly.

“Do the same for me,” Kamui interjected in such a firm tone there was no room for argument. “And don’t feel bad for what we both want.” It hadn’t even occurred to Subaru that that would be an issue, but, when had he ever thought of his own physical or emotional safety? Especially when there was someone else to put first? For a second he thought of Seishiro, luring him in and then doing what he wanted, and Subaru had allowed him everything without even being asked. At the time it had been what he wanted, what he thought was normal: giving your all to someone else in that way, this respect for boundaries was both beautiful and utterly strange. Subaru kissed Kamui full on the lips, his doubts flooding out of him into the younger boy’s mouth. Kamui groaned hard and dug his fingers into Subaru’s hips. Subaru withdrew from their kiss and looked up at him, his eyes very bright. “You’ll stop me if it’s too much?” Kamui repeated in the same commanding tone.

“Yes.”

 Kamui smiled. Gripping Subaru’s hipbones, he slid slowly off his lap onto the floor. He drew his hands down Subaru’s thighs, spread them apart and settled between them. Subaru watched, feeling both bewildered and turned on. Kamui pushed up Subaru’s shirt and placed feather light kisses just above the waistband of his pants. Subaru’s muscles tensed excitedly under Kamui’s lips as he let out a soft, shaky exhale. Kamui wrapped his arms around Subaru’s waist to pull himself closer as he darted his tongue teasingly in the v-cuts of his hipbones. Subaru swallowed and pushed his hips forward without meaning to.

“You’re okay?” Kamui asked, his eyes darting up.

“I’m fine,” Subaru assured him, his erection throbbing almost painfully. Kamui smiled again and withdrew his arms from around Subaru’s waist. Subaru, his breath heavy and eyes half-lidded, watched him slowly, torturously, begin to undo his pants. He bit his lip as Kamui slid his pants down, blushing in spite of himself. Kamui’s eyes widened excitedly and Subaru closed his eyes, his blush intensifying. Kamui trailed more soft kisses across his hips, down his thighs, and Subaru threw his head back, trying to swallow the sharp impatient groans fighting to leave his throat. He shivered under Kamui’s lips and tongue, and though his erection cried for attention, this slow torturous building of pleasure was making his head spin. Suddenly Kamui bit down on the sensitive skin of his inner thigh and Subaru moaned out loud, his heart pounding. His face and neck were hot with his blush, but he didn’t care. He looked down at Kamui, still kissing his thigh, also rather pink in the face. Subaru watched as Kamui continued in this way; biting and sucking bruises on his thighs to match those on his neck, before finally, _finally_ , taking hold of his erection. Subaru closed his eyes and inhaled sharply as Kamui’s long, slender fingers moving up and down in feather light touches.

“Is this okay?” Kamui asked, his voice heavy with excitement. Subaru groaned impatiently, though he appreciated the concern. He opened his eyes and looked Kamui right in the face, but anything he wanted to say got totally lost in his throat. In that moment he could fully appreciate _just_ how sexy it was to have someone you liked touching you, pleasing you, gently kissing the tip of your erection as you nodded yes. Kamui exhaled gratefully and placed a few more soft, loving kisses around the tip before moving them down to the base. He then slid his tongue all the way back up, swirled it around and, at last, began to take it all into his mouth. Subaru felt his entire body tense in arousal as he watched, transfixed, as Kamui slowly, deliberately, sucked his way further and further down. He only broke their eye contact to close his eyes and let out a soft moan, and Subaru bit his lip to keep from crying out, but _oh_ that was so exciting…

Kamui moved his head up, sucking a hot, wet heat around Subaru’s erection and then slid back down. Subaru’s chest heaved and he gripped the couch cushions so hard his knuckles were white. Kamui’s slow, torturous pace allowed Subaru to feel _everything_ : every tiny flick of his tongue, the pressure of his lips, his quick, excited exhales on his belly, but at the same time it was taking all of his self-control not to grab his hair and fuck his mouth. Biting his lip, Subaru reached forward and touched the side of Kamui’s face. Kamui stopped moving and looked up, his mouth full of Subaru’s erection. “Go faster,” Subaru breathed, blushing, his heart pounding. Kamui’s already flushed face went redder as he took Subaru’s hand and laced their fingers together. Subaru gasped at the gesture and Kamui swallowed a spurt of precum. He brought his other hand up to Subaru’s shaking thigh, holding it steady as he moved his head up and down, much faster now. Subaru squeezed Kamui’s hand and cried out, waves of pleasure crashing from between his legs, his entire body tensing, his head spinning. He threw his head back, mouth open, moaning fluently.

Kamui paused at the tip of Subaru’s erection, swirled his tongue tantalizing all around it, then changed his angle slightly as he sucked his way down again. Subaru’s eyes flew open and he cried out as a shock of pleasure pulsed through him. His whole body shook violently and he gripped Kamui’s hand, thrusting his hips forward. Whatever Kamui was doing felt so _good_ the entirety of his being seemed to hone in on it: nothing else existed but the hot slippery pleasure pulsating from between his legs. Subaru couldn’t even moan, only disjointed constricted sounds escaped his throat, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was for Kamui to keep going; they’d only just gotten started but he was already so close. _So_ close…!

“Ka-mui, s-stop!” Subaru choked, grabbing Kamui roughly by the hair and pulling him off. Kamui let out a soft groan at the sudden force, but then looked up at Subaru, his mouth slightly open and his breathing shallow.

“What happened?” He asked, eyes concerned even through their obvious lust. Subaru took a few deep breaths and swallowed.

“If you keep doing that you’re going to make me come,” he replied, going furiously red. Kamui’s blush mirrored his as he gave Subaru’s hand a squeeze.

“Yeah,” Kamui said, smiling reassuringly. Subaru bit his lip.

“I,” he began, but couldn’t continue. He wasn’t even sure he knew what he wanted to say or why he’d objected in the first place. This all felt so good, a second before he’d been thrilled to let Kamui do what he wanted, why was he feeling so embarrassed?

“Do you want to stop?” Kamui asked, his eyes widening.

“No!” Subaru said at once. “No, I, I’m sorry, just keep going,” he said, squeezing Kamui’s hand.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.” Kamui smiled a desperate, lustful smile.

“Good, because I want to make you come,” he told Subaru in that sexy, commanding tone that was impossible to contradict. A spasm of pleasure shot through Subaru’s body and he nodded, unable to do anything else. At once Kamui returned to his task with an entirely new enthusiasm, immediately finding that angle that was making Subaru so crazy. Subaru fell back against the couch, throwing his head back in ecstasy as he felt again that pressure building, tension gripping his entire body, making it shiver and shake. He held tight to Kamui’s hand and gripped his hair with his other hand; he would give in, he’d release, he’d surrender… 

Almost at once, Subaru came spectacularly into Kamui’s mouth, all the tension in his body flooding out of him in intense, pleasurable spasms. His head swam as his hips thrust up of their own accord and his hands fell limply to his sides. Shivers rippled through his body and he kept his eyes shut tight, head thrown back, mouth open, breathing sharply. Subaru felt Kamui take his mouth away and do up his pants again. He wanted to grab onto him, hold him and kiss him, but his arms were too heavy. His body felt like it had been deflated, like all the worry and conflict filling it since the night before was gone, leaving just warm, satisfied space. He heard Kamui get up from the floor, sit next to him on the couch and lean his head against his shoulder. Mustering all his remaining strength, Subaru opened his eyes and turned his head. Kamui licked his lips and smiled rather sheepishly.

“Kiss me,” Subaru told him, and Kamui obliged, kissing him with all new, loving passion. Subaru could taste himself on Kamui’s tongue, but found it erotic rather than embarrassing. He kissed Kamui back, matching his passion, waiting for life to come back to his limbs. Eventually, Subaru was able to wrap his arms around Kamui, who arched into the touches, shivering. Subaru’s head began to clear as he pulled Kamui closer and shoved his hands up his shirt. Subaru’s eyes snapped open and he withdrew from their kiss, seeing Kamui: flushed, passionate, painfully turned on. Subaru’s head cleared immediately and he knew he couldn’t just surrender and let Kamui do what he wanted. He wouldn’t. He wanted to _participate_ , reciprocate. A lustful smile curled Subaru’s mouth and Kamui’s eyes widened excitedly.

“Subaru?” He breathed, uncertainly. Subaru exhaled slowly before pulling Kamui into a fierce, hot kiss. Kamui cried out as Subaru thrust his tongue into his mouth, taking all control and loving it. Holding him tightly, Subaru roughly lay Kamui down on the couch and climbed on top of him, kissing him with an almost painful intensity. Kamui wrapped his arms around Subaru just as he withdrew and began to attack his neck. Kamui cried out and thrust his hips up as Subaru bit and sucked hot red welts all along his neck up to his ear. Subaru then brought his hand teasingly down Kamui’s chest, belly and thighs to palm his erection through his pants. Kamui groaned desperately and thrust his hips up into the contact.

“Is this okay?” Subaru breathed, using more pressure.

“Yes!” Kamui gasped, trying to rub his erection into Subaru’s hand. Subaru continued to kiss his neck, tasting his sweat and smelling his hair.

“You got this hard from sucking me off?” Subaru exhaled, right into his ear, the lewdness of the statement taking them both by surprise, but Kamui moaned hard and grabbed onto Subaru’s shirt, seemingly unembarrassed. Subaru continued to tease Kamui through his pants, feeling powerful and excited at the effect he was causing.

“You taste good,” Kamui told him, looking desperately for more friction against Subaru’s hand. Subaru smiled, absurdly feeling pleased, and licked up Kamui’s neck, just below his ear, before biting down on the lobe. Kamui cried out hard and went deeply red, his breathing shallow. Intrigued, Subaru bit Kamui’s earlobe again before sucking it lightly. Again, Kamui cried out and thrust his hips up.

“You like that?” Subaru breathed, curious and excited. Kamui screwed up his eyes and nodded, his face glowing. Armed with this information, Subaru carefully kissed and licked Kamui’s ears as he undid his pants, took hold of his erection and started pleasing him in hard, fast strokes. Kamui moaned fluently, his entire body shaking. He tried to pull Subaru away from his neck into a kiss, but Subaru used his other hand to grab Kamui’s wrists and hold them above his head. Kamui struggled, but Subaru kissed, bit and sucked his ears without mercy as he stroked his erection, feeling it pulse and throb in his hand.

“Don’t stop,” Kamui said in a constricted voice, and Subaru sped up his pace, heart racing. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop!” Kamui cried, trying desperately to get his wrists out of Subaru’s grip, his hands flexing pointlessly.

“I want to make you come,” Subaru said, right in his ear, again taking them both by surprise, but Kamui thrust up into his hand again, his face screwed up in pleasure. 

“I’m gonna come,” he told Subaru, his voice all the more constricted. Subaru let go of Kamui’s wrists and instead took hold of one hand and interlaced their fingers. Kamui groaned gratefully pulled Subaru into a deep, passionate kiss. Subaru moaned as he sped up his pace still further, loving the way Kamui twitched and shivered under his touches, how hot his skin felt, _just_ how hard he was… “I’m gonna come!” He exclaimed, and he hurriedly pulled up his shirt before he came, hard, all over his belly and Subaru’s hand. Subaru pumped him a few more times, watching him throw his head back and moan in ecstasy. Like Subaru, Kamui seemed to go limp, pleasure emptying his body of everything but satisfaction. He kept his eyes closed for a few seconds, and when he opened them it was to see Subaru sucking his fingers clean. Kamui bit his lip as Subaru moved down to his stomach, carefully, lovingly, licking him clean, before kissing him full on the lips. Kamui groaned softly into Subaru’s mouth, kissing him back until finally, Subaru withdrew and lay next to him on the couch. Kamui rested his head in the crook of Subaru’s neck and threw his arm across his chest. Subaru pulled him close and buried his face in his hair. His favorite part, this would always be his favorite part.

They lay in silence for a long time, just being with each other, sharing energy. The sun outside the window set. The glow of the streetlights outside cast long spidery shadows across the floor, but it was soothing. Subaru may have fallen asleep, he didn’t know, he was content to lie there with Kamui forever, his warm weight pressing against him, keeping him grounded and safe. He rubbed up and down Kamui’s back and listened to him breathing, feeling utterly content. Finally, it was Kamui who broke the silence. “That was awesome,” he said, sleepily. Subaru nodded.

“It was,” he agreed. Kamui sighed contentedly and shifted against Subaru.

“You should be that forceful all the time,” he continued, and Subaru snorted.

“Stop,” he said, blushing. Kamui also laughed and held tighter to him. Sighing resignedly, Subaru asked, “Do you want to stay over?” Kamui raised his head from Subaru’s neck and looked him in the face. He nodded, his expression intense, but then softening.

“Can I sleep in your bed?” Again, Subaru snorted, but agreed, feeling too content to think about it too much.

“Do you want to take a bath?” Subaru asked. “Clean up?” Kamui nodded vigorously.

“Yeah.” Kamui gave Subaru another kiss on the lips before sitting up, zipping up and stretching. Subaru sat up too, thinking vaguely of retrieving his cigarettes, but resisted. He stood up, feeling a slight head rush as he stretched. Kamui turned to face him and Subaru took his hand. At the same time, both of them moved in for a kiss. Subaru’s heart swelled and he squeezed Kamui’s hand; something was different now, or maybe, something that had been waiting to change had finally shifted. True to his intention, and Kamui’s wishes, he didn’t think about it too much. He slowly withdrew from their kiss, affection softening his expression. Kamui smiled back at him, a genuine happiness lighting his features as he pulled Subaru to his bathroom. 

Once inside, Subaru shut the door and switched on the light, the artificial brightness stinging his eyes. “Sorry,” Subaru said hurriedly when Kamui made a disgruntled noise in his throat.

“It’s okay,” Kamui replied at once, placing his hand on Subaru’s lower back. Subaru smiled softly as he turned on the bath. He straightened up and gave Kamui another kiss on the lips, still not used to touches carrying this much affection and comfort. He had gone from panicking at this intimacy to craving it in less than 24 hours, and he knew it was only Kamui who could have brought about this change. He remembered Hokuto telling him that one of the happiest things in the world was to have a wish granted, and for so long he’d just accepted that Seishiro was the only one who could bring him that happiness. Now, though, as he watched Kamui gently run his fingers under the water and smile up at him…

Subaru pulled Kamui into his arms, hugging him so tightly Kamui gasped. Subaru rubbed his face in his hair, swallowing the lump in his throat. Kamui remained still, relaxing into Subaru’s embrace. They stayed that way for a time, feeling and listening, until Subaru let go. Kamui watched him, waiting. “Let’s rinse off first,” Subaru said, his eyes very bright. Kamui nodded. Subaru opened the shower door and turned it on while the bathtub slowly filled. They turned away from each other as they got undressed, even though Subaru knew how ridiculous it was to feel modest at this point. They turned back to each other and did their utmost not to look down. Subaru flushed at this childishness; he’d been inside Kamui’s mind, for goodness sake! Not to mention everything that had just happened, but there was something so profoundly intimate about this type of exposure, it was a little overwhelming. Keeping his eyes locked on Kamui’s, Subaru reached out and took his hand. Kamui went rather pink as he squeezed Subaru’s hand in return. They stepped into the shower, the heat and steam deepening their blushes. Kamui stepped under the water and Subaru permitted himself to watch as his pale, smooth skin glistened in the soft light. He also finally noticed the bruises he’d raised on the side of his neck. Kamui shook his wet hair out of his face and turned to see Subaru watching him.

“What?” He asked, smiling.

“Sorry about your neck,” Subaru replied, apologetically. Kamui’s hand jumped to his neck, but he was still smiling.

“How bad is it?” He asked, apprehensively.

“Um,” Subaru began, not sure what to say.

“As bad as yours?” Kamui asked, his smile widening. Subaru’s hand snapped to his own neck and his eyes widened.

“Is it really noticeable?” Kamui nodded, grinning, and Subaru shut his eyes in embarrassment. He felt Kamui wrap his arms around his neck, pull him under the water and kiss him tenderly on the lips.

“You’ll always think of me when you see them,” he said, very quietly. Subaru brushed Kamui’s bangs off his face, taking in just how beautiful he was. They stared at each other for a while, feeling the caresses of the water, until Subaru reached around Kamui for the soap.

“Wash off,” he said, softly. They took it in turns to scrub each other clean, feeling less modest by the second, and rinsed off. Subaru stepped out of the shower first, shut off the tub and slid into the hot water, steam rising in soft spirals all around him. The heat seeped through his clean skin into his muscles, his bones, and he felt deeply relaxed as he leaned his head against the edge of the tub, waiting for Kamui to join him. Kamui shut off the shower and shook his hair out of his eyes, spraying water everywhere. Subaru smiled affectionately as Kamui climbed into the tub and rested his back against Subaru’s chest. Subaru wrapped his arms around Kamui and placed his chin on his shoulder, feeling all the more warm and content.

“I really like you,” Kamui told him. Subaru kissed his shoulder softly.

“I like you too,” he said, very quietly, realizing how true it was as he said it. Both of them blushed. Subaru gave Kamui another kiss on the shoulder and Kamui took hold of one of Subaru’s hands with both of his own. Tenderly Kamui rubbed Subaru’s palm with his thumbs, interlaced their fingers, compared the size of their hands and finally turned his hand over to stare at the pentagram they both knew was there. Kamui kissed the back of his hand and rubbed his cheek against it. Subaru’s throat burned and he rubbed his face into Kamui’s neck. Even though his future was decided, right then he just wanted to see where _this_ would go. Where he and Kamui would go.

Subaru inhaled deeply and began kissing along Kamui’s shoulder and up his neck. Kamui gasped and leaned his head to the side, allowing Subaru more access. Subaru dragged his kisses up to Kamui’s ear, feeling more turned on by the second. Kamui’s breath caught in his chest as Subaru gently kissed him right behind the ear, and when he bit down on his earlobe Kamui cried out and shivered. Subaru licked the outside of Kamui’s ear and then sucked on the lobe, getting hard again as he listened to his soft cries and moans. He felt guilty for exploiting Kamui’s weakness in this way, but his reactions were just _so_ exciting. Subaru held Kamui tightly, feeling him twitch and shudder, until finally he let out a breathy “s-stop!” Subaru withdrew at once and Kamui turned to face him, his face, neck and chest flushed.

“Are you okay?” Subaru asked at once, eyes widening. Kamui swallowed, but said nothing. He turned and buried his face in Subaru’s neck, letting out an irritated groan. Subaru smiled and held him close, kissing him on the top of the head. 

“You’re teasing me,” Kamui said, annoyed.

“Sorry,” Subaru replied in an it-can’t-be-helped sort of way. Kamui shifted against him, accidentally on purpose brushing against his erection.

“Can we go again later?” Kamui asked, his face still buried in Subaru’s neck. Subaru felt his erection pulse and he held Kamui closer to him.

“Of course,” he said, his body already alive in anticipation. Kamui placed his hand on Subaru’s chest, and Subaru kissed him on the top of the head again. Kamui’s hand tensed and released against Subaru’s chest a few times.

“I want more,” Kamui said, and though his voice was still muffled, Subaru could hear the beginnings of that intense, commanding voice.

“More?” Subaru asked, a little nervously. Kamui fidgeted in Subaru’s arms, the hand on his chest balling into a fist. Subaru tucked Kamui’s wet hair behind his ear. “What do you want?” He asked, gently. Kamui sighed and continued to move awkwardly against Subaru, unable to look him in the face. Finally he got right up in Subaru’s ear.

“I,” he began, before gathering his resolve. “I want you to fuck me!” He said in a rush, blushing despite his commanding tone. Subaru’s chest tightened and he swallowed.

“Are you sure?” He asked, very quietly, heart rate spiking. Kamui nodded, face still in his neck. “Look at me and say that,” Subaru said, his mouth dry. Sighing, Kamui wriggled out of Subaru’s arms, straddled his hips and placed his hands on his shoulders.

“That’s what I want,” Kamui said, firmly, his eyes blazing even through his embarrassment. Subaru met his gaze and cupped the side of his face, heart pounding.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes!” Kamui’s eyes flashed. Subaru swallowed.

“We’ll need supplies,” he said, very quietly, blushing deeply.

“I have everything!” Kamui said at once, blush also deepening, though he held Subaru’s gaze unflinchingly.

“What?!”

“I, went and got everything from the drug store after school,” Kamui continued, trying not to look too guilty. Subaru closed his eyes in disbelieving embarrassment, trying hard not to imagine that. When he was able to open his eyes, he brushed Kamui’s hair out of his face.

“That was very presumptuous of you,” he said, quietly.

“Sorry,” Kamui said, though he was smiling. Subaru sighed heavily, back to feeling wrong-footed and nervous. He _wanted_ Kamui, that much he knew, but, was he ready? It had been so long, would he even know what he was doing? Kamui took hold of Subaru’s hand cupping his face and kissed each knuckle. The panic in Subaru’s chest seemed to ease. “We’ll go slow,” Kamui assured him, smiling, eyes eager. Subaru nodded.

“It’s been a long time since, since I’ve done that,” he continued, very softly.

“How long?” Kamui asked, squeezing Subaru’s hand.

“Too long,” Subaru replied, evasively. A moment’s silence passed.

“It was with the Sakurazukamori, wasn’t it?” Kamui asked, sadness in his voice. Subaru’s throat burned and he nodded. Kamui wrapped his arms around Subaru and held him close. Subaru exhaled into Kamui’s embrace, swallowing the lump in his throat. “We don’t have to do anything else, if that freaks you out,” Kamui told him quietly, kissing him on the cheek. Subaru sighed heavily and kissed Kamui full on the lips, drawing strength from the safety and reassurance Kamui gave him, knowing it wouldn’t be like last time. Their kiss deepened; Subaru wrapped his arms around Kamui’s waist and ran his hands up and down his back before bringing them to his thighs and squeezing them. Kamui dug his fingers into Subaru’s shoulders, groaning softly into his mouth. When they broke apart, Subaru smiled encouragingly.

“I want you, Kamui,” he told him. Kamui flushed with excitement and kissed Subaru on the lips again.

“Then have me,” he breathed, his answer oozing seduction. Subaru pulled him into another deep, heavy kiss, groaning into his mouth. Kamui wrapped his arms around Subaru’s neck and rocked their hips together, the friction and pressure increasing. Steam curled up around them and Subaru’s heart swelled, leaving no room for nervousness, only connection, intimacy and safety. He’d never felt this way and permitted himself, at least for the night, to get used to it.

“Let’s get out,” Subaru whispered when they finally broke apart. Kamui nodded, a smile on his face, before climbing off of Subaru and stepping out of the tub. He wrapped a towel around his waist and hurried back into the living room. Subaru stood up, drained the bath and dried himself. He walked slowly back to his bedroom and debated putting on clothes before deciding it was pointless. He hung his towel on his door and lay down on his bed, ignoring a sudden craving for a cigarette.

Kamui appeared in the doorway with his school bag. He approached the bed, eyes taking Subaru in hungrily. Subaru blushed, even though Kamui’s obvious desire for him was painfully exciting. Kamui bit his lip and sat on the edge of the bed with his school bag on his lap. He extracted a box of condoms and a bottle of lube and placed them on the bedside table. At first Subaru looked away, still feeling embarrassed, but then chanced a glance at Kamui, seeing him unwrap the towel from his waist and turn to look at him. Subaru took his hand, smiling, and Kamui gave it a squeeze. He inhaled excitedly and climbed on top of Subaru, kissing him heavily. Subaru let out a sharp moan and grabbed onto Kamui, his skin still hot from the bath. Kamui groaned too, grinding his hips down. Subaru felt light-headed; there was nothing between them now, no clothes, no water, no fear. It was just skin against skin, raw and exposed and _passionate_. 

Subaru grabbed onto Kamui and flipped him over onto his back, kissing him and thrusting his hips against him. Kamui cried out, wrapped his legs around Subaru’s waist and grabbed the sides of his face to pull him closer. They could have kissed that way for hours, Subaru had no idea, but finally he pulled away, his breath shallow, entire body hot with arousal. He continued to thrust teasingly against Kamui, who let out a desperate moan. “Stop teasing me!” he said, the commanding tone ruined by his obvious, painful need.

“You’re sure you want-”

“Yes!” Kamui interrupted, but then, “are you sure you’re okay with this?” His voice shook slightly.

“Yes,” Subaru said firmly, swallowing, an ache in his heart and his erection. Kamui smiled and gently cupped the side of Subaru’s face.

“I like you so much,” he said, going furiously red. Subaru kissed Kamui with an entirely new passion, his body on fire. He wanted to keep going, he _needed_ to keep going. He withdrew from Kamui, his heart in his throat.

“I really like you too,” he said, returning Kamui’s smile. He straightened up and reached for the lube as Kamui bent his knees and brought his feet flat onto the bed, his legs falling open invitingly. Subaru’s erection throbbed as he squeezed the liquid onto his first two fingers and gently pressed them against Kamui. “Ready?” Kamui inhaled sharply, but looked Subaru in the eye and nodded. Subaru slipped one finger inside, biting his lip as a deep blush rose in his face. Kamui closed his eyes for a second, but nodded. Subaru reached for Kamui’s hand and held it as he slipped in another finger, trying to be as careful as possible. Kamui seized up around his fingers at first, but relaxed quickly, giving Subaru’s hand a squeeze. Subaru moved his fingers inside, exploring and stretching. “Is this okay?” He asked, quietly.

“Yes,” Kamui breathed, squeezing Subaru’s hand again. Feeling braver, Subaru turned his hand upward and made a “come here” motion with his fingers. Kamui’s entire body stiffened and he cried out, eyes screwed up in pleasure. Subaru bit his lip, breathing hard through his nose as he repeated the motion, watching Kamui moan and writhe under him. “T-that, that’s really, oh my god,” Kamui managed, finally, gripping Subaru’s hand so hard his knuckles were white. The words reverberated through Subaru’s body, the pressure between his legs almost unbearable.

“Can I keep going?” Subaru asked, his mouth dry. Kamui nodded, his gaze heavy and lustful. Subaru let go of his hand so he could grab the lube and squeeze more onto his fingers. He stretched Kamui further and slipped in his third finger, again feeling Kamui tense around him. “Is this okay?” Subaru asked, waiting for Kamui to adjust. Kamui swallowed and nodded, and Subaru continued, teasing his sweet spot as he stretched and explored further, thinking longingly of what was to come. Kamui moaned continually, shivering and shaking, looking more than ready, and Subaru withdrew his fingers. A smile lit Kamui’s face as he watched Subaru retrieve a condom from the box and put it on before squeezing more lube onto his hand and coating his erection with it. Subaru bit his lip and looked away, feeling bizarrely exhibitionistic. Kamui reached for his hand and took it reassuringly.

“I want you,” he told Subaru quietly, and Subaru squeezed his hand in return.

“I want you too,” he replied, truthfully. He positioned himself between Kamui’s legs. “I’m, going to go slow, but, tell me if you need me to stop.”

“I will.” Subaru kissed Kamui one last time before pressing his erection up against him. Kamui took a deep inhale and sighed it out, allowing Subaru in. They both cried out and stopped right where they were, shivering, breathing heavy. Subaru kissed Kamui and rested his forehead against his, waiting. Kamui shifted, adjusting, gripping the sheets on either side of him. “Okay,” he whispered, and Subaru pushed in deeper, letting out a strangled groan at the hot, tight heat gripping his erection. He stayed focused, being there with Kamui, feeling his heart beat in his own chest and hearing his shallow breath in his ears. “Okay,” Kamui whispered a second time, and again Subaru pushed in deeper before resting his forehead against Kamui’s. Kamui adjusted more quickly this time, eyes still shut tight. “Okay,” he said, still in a whisper. Subaru swallowed and pushed all the way in, completely sheathing himself with a deep moan. Kamui gasped, shivering violently.

“Are you okay?” Subaru asked, his voice constricted. Kamui opened his eyes at last and held Subaru’s gaze, his expression exultant. They stared at each other for a long time, drinking in each other. Subaru gently brushed Kamui’s hair out of his face, his chest ready to burst with emotion. Kamui swallowed and pulled Subaru into a firey kiss. Subaru moaned, his heart pumping waves of passion all through his body. He wanted to move, to fuck Kamui into loving oblivion, but he waited, feeling every second in his entire body and adoring it. Finally, they broke apart, keeping each other’s gaze, the space between them hot and intimate.

“Fuck me,” Kamui moaned quietly, and Subaru’s erection throbbed. He nodded, unable to say anything, and kissed Kamui as he slowly pulled out and thrust back in again. Kamui groaned into Subaru’s mouth, wrapping his arms and legs tightly around him. Again Subaru pulled out and thrust back in, still slowly; the hot, tight friction already threatening to make him come. He exhaled sharply against Kamui’s lips, forcing himself to stay focused as he moved slowly in and out. Kamui thrust his hips up with a soft moan, breaking their kiss to say, “you can go faster.” Subaru shivered, but obeyed, burying his face in Kamui’s neck as he sped up his thrusts, moaning right into his ear. Kamui dug his fingernails into Subaru’s shoulders, has hands shaking. Subaru bit and sucked Kamui’s neck, doing his utmost to maintain control, despite what his body obviously wanted. He brought his mouth to Kamui’s ear, licking and kissing and sucking, and Kamui’s entire body seized up as he dug his heels into Subaru’s lower back and let out a long, hard moan.

“Fuck…!” Subaru withdrew from Kamui’s neck and straightened up, control be damned. Kamui gasped, but his eyes widened excitedly as Subaru snuck his arm under his waist to lift his hips up. “Is this okay?” Subaru asked, his voice heavy with lust. Kamui arched his back further, his expression desperate and excited. 

“God yes!” He moaned, his chest heaving. Subaru exhaled shakily, pulled out and thrust back in, much harder this time, and Kamui actually screamed, his inner muscles pulling in, hard and tight, around Subaru. Kamui’s face was screwed up in pleasure and his body was flushed and glistening. “Oh g- yes! Just like that!” Subaru’s lip curled and his heart pounded as he moved in and out, harder and faster and deeper, throwing his head back in ecstasy, Kamui’s moans and gasps and screams driving him crazy. “ _Just_ like that! _JUST_ like that!” Kamui gripped Subaru’s shoulders, digging his fingernails into the hot, flushed skin, and Subaru groaned hard, pressure building in his entire body, his breath coming in sharp bursts. He could feel his orgasm teasingly close, and _oh_ he wanted to, but…

Subaru stopped suddenly and looked down at Kamui, trying to catch his breath. Kamui looked amazing: flushed, sweaty, chest heaving, erection _begging_ to be touched, eyes desperate, though suddenly confused. “Why’d you stop?” He whined, pressing his heels into Subaru’s lower back, urging him to keep going. Subaru swallowed hard, still breathing heavily.

“Get on top,” he said, finally. Kamui swallowed too, looking more confused than ever.

“W-what?”

“Get on top,” Subaru repeated. When Kamui continued to look perplexed, Subaru tightened his hold on Kamui’s waist, kissed him deeply and rolled over onto his back. Kamui cried out in surprise as he found himself on top of Subaru, straddling his hips, still gripping his shoulders. Maintaining eye contact, Kamui sat up experimentally and let out a strangled moan, his expression dazed as Subaru’s erection moved inside him, deeper than anything thus far. Subaru smiled in satisfaction, taking hold of Kamui’s hand and interlacing their fingers, swallowing as he felt Kamui tighten around him. Kamui’s chest heaved and he squeezed Subaru’s hand, moving his hips back and forth, moaning constantly, his face burning. Subaru smiled up at him encouragingly, soft groans escaping his throat.

“I, I like this,” Kamui said in a constricted moan, biting his lip and grinding his hips back and forth. The pressure and friction sent waves of pleasure throbbing through Subaru’s body and he thrust his hips up, moaning shakily. He was still so close, and watching Kamui look him in the eye, raise his hips up and slam them back down against him was just…

“Oh _god_!” Subaru cried out as Kamui moved faster against him, grinding his hips back and forth and up and down in an increasingly desperate rhythm. Kamui inhaled shakily, squeezed Subaru’s hand, but managed a lustful smile.

“Is that good?”

“Yes!” Kamui leaned forward and kissed Subaru full on the lips, thrusting his tongue into his mouth and continually grinding his hips against him. Subaru grabbed Kamui’s hip with his other hand, gripping the hot skin and moaning into his mouth, his head spinning. Kamui withdrew from their kiss, sat up straight and moved even faster, his rhythm becoming more erratic and desperate by the second. Subaru felt himself shaking, the pressure between his legs almost painful, but he wanted Kamui to come first. Kamui’s grip on his hand was achingly tight as he threw his head back, his face contorted with pleasure. Subaru reached forward and took hold of Kamui’s erection, running his hand up and down it, and his entire body stiffened.

“I-I’m gonna come!” Kamui looked down at Subaru, his gaze burning, and Subaru’s hand shook as he pleased him. 

“I want you to,” he moaned, and Kamui kissed Subaru again, thrusting forward into his hand, his erection deep inside him. Never breaking their kiss, Kamui inhaled sharply and moaned hard into Subaru’s mouth as he came all over his hand. Subaru continued to stroke him, loving the way he pulsed in his hand and his inner muscles tightened, hard, around his own erection. Kamui pulled out of their kiss, sweating and shaking, and fell forward into Subaru’s neck. Subaru inhaled deeply, feeling profoundly connected, Kamui’s scent in his nose, sweat on his skin, hand in his. Kamui caught his breath shakily, swallowed and kissed Subaru gently on the neck. Subaru closed his eyes, trying to ignore his own desperate need. Eventually Kamui straightened up, gasping, radiating satisfaction. He kissed Subaru one last time, a lustful smile on his lips, before giving his hand a squeeze and beginning to move his hips again.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Subaru managed in a sharp, desperate gasp. Kamui kept his gaze, his eyes blazing.

“Come inside me,” he said, deeply commanding, no room for argument, and all Subaru could do was nod. Kamui moved faster against him, grinding in a hard, deliberate rhythm and Subaru felt his orgasm teasingly close again, his entire body electrified with the prospect.

“Don’t stop,” he whispered to Kamui, desperately, still holding tight to his hand, trembling all over.

“I won’t stop,” Kamui said, his thrusts speeding up and intensifying. Subaru’s mind was clouded with desperation; all he felt was his body, everything tuned in on the pressure in his erection spreading outwards in hard, desperate waves, he was _right there_!

And then he knew only an explosion of pleasure as all of the pressure rushed outwards, gripping his whole body and mind and heart in the most intense orgasm of his life. Pleasure shocked every nerve of his body in deep pulses, making him twitch and gasp and shudder. His mind was a wash of hot satisfaction, and he couldn’t even try to move, it was all so much.

After who knows how long, he felt Kamui get off of him and peel off the condom he’d been wearing. Subaru shifted awkwardly as the external world became real again. He heard Kamui walk back across the room and then felt him climb up in bed next to him and kiss him softly on the lips. Subaru opened his eyes and looked at him, a rush of affection filling his chest. He smiled at Kamui, the emotion rising up in his throat.

“Thank you,” Subaru said. Kamui returned his smile, that deep, genuine happiness making his face glow. Subaru knew they understood each other totally in that moment, and he couldn’t find words to express what that meant to him. He kissed Kamui and everything was slow, loving and warm until they finally broke apart. They got under the covers and Kamui curled up against Subaru, his face in his neck and hand on his chest. Subaru held him close, savoring how safe and content he felt. He wanted to tell him how good that all felt, how totally satisfied he was, but it seemed pointless. They’d said it all. 

‘ _Having a wish fulfilled is certainly happy_ ,’ he thought, kissing Kamui on the top of the head, ‘ _but, maybe, getting what you didn’t know you wished for… Is even better_?’ Subaru looked at Kamui, eyes closing sleepily, holding onto him tightly.

‘ _Yes… it’s definitely better._ ’

 


End file.
